If it's green or wriggles, it's Biology. If it stinks, it's Chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's Physics.


  • A neutron walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. The barman says "It's on the house, for you there is no charge"
  • A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."
  • Two atoms bump into each other in the street.

Atom 1: "Oh no! I've lost an electron!"

Atom 2: "Are you sure?"

Atom 1: "Yeah, I'm positive!"


  • Do you know any good jokes about Sodium?... Na
  • What happened to the guy who froze himself to absolute zero? He's 0K now.
  • Why do chemists call Helium, Curium and Barium the medical elements? Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium!
  • Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
  • Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
    A: A ferrous wheel:

Fe - Fe

        /       \
       Fe       Fe
        \       /
         Fe - Fe
  • You want some sodium? Na

What about some Potassium? K


  • "When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire." - Confucius
  • What does DNA stand for? The National Dyslexic Association.
  • Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
    A: Pull down its genes.
  • An unemployed biologist was having considerable difficulty in finding a new job. He finally saw an add in a local newspaper for a position at a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that their only gorilla, which had been a star attraction, had recently died, and it would be sometime before they could replace it. Meanwhile, they needed someone to dress up as a gorilla and pretend to be the animal. The biologist was quite embarrassed, but, being desperate for money, he accepted the job.

    The next day, the biologist put on a gorilla skin and headgear and entered a cage from a rear entrance. Visitors smiled at him and threw bread. After a while, the biologist really got into the act. He jumped up and down, beat his chest and roared as people cheered.

    The following day, the biologist entered the wrong cage by accident and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed toward him. The scared biologist turned and ran, while screaming, "Help! Help!" The lion leaped onto the gorilla, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, "Hey, it's me Leonard, your former co-worker. Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs!"

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